So there we were at Victoria's six month check up and the words came out of our doctor's mouth, "She's not hitting milestones. I'm going to have to refer you to a specialist." We already knew she wasn't rolling over like her typical sister did. There were other signs that Victoria was falling behind in her mental and physical development. But the words made it all too real. Our heads were swimming with all kinds of questions and so much doubt. Can we do this? How will this change our lives? Why? Why me? All of the typical things that go through one's head with news that will alter the course of your life.
That day was almost 24 years ago now. Looking back I can't imagine my life without Victoria. She has brought both great joy and at times much grief, just as her typical older sister did. It was just different things that brought about those feelings. The moment when Victoria took her first steps with assistance brought tears of joy. The hours and hours of listening to her scream as we put her in an assistive device to train her to stand brought such deep sorrow and many tears.
I've learned many lessons over the years and I am certain I am a different person than I would have been without Victoria in my life. Somedays I just have to take it one day at a time. Somedays I just have to accept things aren't going to be easy. I have more patience for some things in my life and very little patience for others. I advocate for my daughter when necessary. And if you are on the receiving end of my advocacy you may think I have no patience. I just don't tolerate things that are unacceptable and will use everything at my disposal to get resolution. Note you probably don't want my wife to jump in. She's called the Governor's Office to get things done, testified in front of congress to help change rules that have unintended consequences, and she will not quit until resolution. So be glad you got me instead of my wife. I developed more empathy because of Victoria. Overall I'm a better version of myself because of Victoria.
If you happen to hear the words come out of your child's doctor, fret not. You'll figure it out. Sure your life is going to be different, but that doesn't mean worse. Look for those moments of joy and reflect on how you've become a better version of yourself.
